Understanding Platonic Co-Parenting
More people today are exploring alternatives to traditional parenting models, seeking family structures that align with their individual values, lifestyles, relationships and personal circumstances.
One family form that's on the increase is platonic co-parenting (also known as elective co-parenting). But what exactly does it mean, and who is it for?
Defining Platonic Co-Parenting
Platonic co-parenting is when two or more people agree to raise a child together, without being romantically or sexually involved. The focus here is entirely on creating a loving, supportive environment for the child, based on a shared commitment to parenting.
While it can involve any gender identity or sexual preference, the key feature is that the co-parents have no romantic expectations from one another. They both want to raise a child, and see each other as compatible co-parenting partners.
Examples:
Two cis-heterosexual individuals who share a desire to become parents, without any romantic involvement.
Two non-binary individuals who share a desire to become parents, without any romantic involvement.
A gay man and a straight woman
A lesbian couple and a heterosexual or gay man.
A gay couple and a straight woman
This list is by no means exhaustive. These examples reflect the diverse possibilities for platonic co-parenting, highlighting the flexibility and openness of these arrangements.
Why Consider Platonic Co-Parenting?
For many, the idea of raising a child with someone they are not romantically involved with offers several advantages:
Focus on Parenting: The primary focus is the well-being of the child. Without the emotional complexities of romantic relationships, co-parents can direct all their energy towards creating a stable environment for their child.
Flexibility in Family Structures: Platonic co-parenting allows for families that don't fit the traditional mould. People of all gender identities and sexual orientations can explore this model without the constraints of societal expectations of what a family "should" look like.
Shared Responsibility: Co-parenting offers the benefit of shared financial, emotional, and logistical responsibilities. It's about building a parenting partnership where both parties contribute equally to raising the child.
Who is Platonic Co-Parenting For?
This model appeals to a wide range of people:
Singles looking to parent: Many people want to become parents but don’t want or can’t find a romantic partner. Platonic co-parenting allows them to pursue parenthood without waiting for the “right” romantic partner. It provides an alternative to solo-motherhood by choice for those who want to have an active parent involved in raising their child.
LGBTQIA+ individuals or couples: People in same-sex relationships, non-binary or transgender individuals, and others in the LGBTQIA+ community may find platonic co-parenting a way to expand their families outside traditional norms.
Divorced or separated individuals: Individuals who are separated and already have children may opt for platonic co-parenting as a way to provide a sibling for their child. This approach allows them to establish a practical parenting partnership for a second child, without the need for a romantic relationship.
How Does it Work?
The process starts with finding a like-minded co-parent—someone whose values, parenting styles, and commitment to raising a child align with your own. A clear, open discussion is essential from the outset, covering topics such as child-rearing approaches, financial responsibilities, and the day-to-day logistics of parenting. For conversation points, please refer to aParently's Match Making Tool which you can download here:
aParently Match Making Tool.pdf
We highly urge people to have many in-depth conversations about each person’s role and responsibilities before the child is born and that they write down their intentions Co-Parenting Agreement. This ensures that both parties have a mutual understanding of what to expect, and that the child’s best interests are always prioritized. We also suggest that parents periodically revisit their Co-Parenting Agreement together as a way to reflect on their commitments.
The Curious and Ready: Is This Path for You?
If you're simply curious, exploring platonic co-parenting can offer new perspectives on what family can look like. This is especially relevant in today’s world, where diverse and inclusive family structures are increasingly recognized and accepted. aParently is here to provide support and guidance to help you learn more about the concept of platonic co-parenting.
For those ready to explore this option, platonic co-parenting offers a unique path to parenthood that embraces shared responsibility, love, and commitment to the child—without the romantic expectations of traditional couples. aParently is here to help you find a match and support you on your journey to parenthood.
Platonic co-parenting isn’t for everyone, but for many, it provides a thoughtful, intentional way to raise a child within a stable, loving environment. Whether you’re just curious or actively considering it, this platonic co-parenting offers a flexible, inclusive way to redefine what a family can be centered around the most important part: the child ♥️
